I'm...not sorry that I saw it. I- I knew, already. [It happened. It is a truth. He's often been confused, or misled, or simply not known enough to grasps certain truths in a useful way. But rarely has he flinched away from the truth, once plainly presented.
Well, he likes to think that he's tried to not, anyway.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.]
Only that I saw this way, without your consent. And that you, too, have to live with all this.
[ She's not good at this- any of this really. It was hard enough for her to receive condolences from people that she knew well: Tonra, the remaining living handmaidens, her family...
But from someone that shouldn't have seen this memory- someone she hadn't spoken to much...
Despite the fact that he knew what had happened, it still left her feeling exposed. ]
She's here now- it shouldn't matter. [ But it does. This still haunts her. ]
[ She sighs and it takes her a moment more to answer... Being open with others isn't something that comes easy to her, but he understands her grief and she's hardly had a chance to do anything but stew in it since she got here. ]
I keep telling myself it's in the past in the hopes that it'll stop hurting.
I don't think I have a good answer for that. The...standard Jedi answer, if you could say there is one, is to focus on the present, sure.
But I know for a fact none of my teachers have managed that, in any way close to perfectly. I don't think you can really get through the feelings until they're felt. As long as it takes.
[ There's a hint of a weak smile in her voice as she breathes out something close to a laugh. ]
That's all it takes, huh?
[ The last thing she wants to do is feel these feelings. They're overwhelming and she feels like she's drowning in them when they do become too much to push back. ]
I will. Well, I'll try at least. [ She laughs a little under her breath. ] I'm not the best at reaching out, as I'm sure you've noticed... but I'll work on it.
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ezra_of_lothal) wrote2022-01-03 07:48 am
Voice; un: lothrat
Well, he likes to think that he's tried to not, anyway.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.]
Only that I saw this way, without your consent. And that you, too, have to live with all this.
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But from someone that shouldn't have seen this memory- someone she hadn't spoken to much...
Despite the fact that he knew what had happened, it still left her feeling exposed. ]
She's here now- it shouldn't matter. [ But it does. This still haunts her. ]
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I keep telling myself it's in the past in the hopes that it'll stop hurting.
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But I know for a fact none of my teachers have managed that, in any way close to perfectly. I don't think you can really get through the feelings until they're felt. As long as it takes.
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That's all it takes, huh?
[ The last thing she wants to do is feel these feelings. They're overwhelming and she feels like she's drowning in them when they do become too much to push back. ]
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Because I think it's one of the hardest things in the world.
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And if there's any other way I can help, just let me know, ok?
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