He lets out a breath, pained at the idea that any Padawan of his would feel unloved.
“I admit I had moments like that with Qui-Gon as well. I don’t think it’s uncommon for that sort of insecurity in any young Padawan.” His shoulders then droop a bit as it seems Anakin didn’t get past that.
“The council thought training him was a bad idea from the start and I agreed. If Qui-Gon hadn’t asked me I wouldn’t have have. Plus training a boy that old… and The Chosen One? I don’t know what my older self was thinking or going through, but that’s quite s burden. Still… I can’t imagine I wouldn’t try my best.”
Ezra visibly jolts. "You said that before - The Chosen One." He blinks, a memory not truly his bubbling up and spilling out, of oppressive physical heat, the ice cold of Vader's presence in the Force of Master Kenobi shouting -
You were the Chosen One!
He'd forgotten that. How could he have forgotten that part of the awfulness of Mustafar? And this Obi-Wan, the padawan, has said something about that, when he'd demanded answers about the future.
At first Obi-Wan just blinks at Ezra as if surprised that he doesn’t know.
“It’s a prophecy.”
A pause and then he realizes there needs to be more of an explanation.
“Qui-Gon was obsessed with prophecies. He had me spend hours researching for him on multiple occasions, but every Jedi knows about the Chosen One. It was foretold long ago that someone would come and bring balance to the Force. My master strongly believed that was Anakin.”
Ezra returns the blink, still confused."But what does that even mean? Bring balance how? That sounds so vague. By killing Sidious and then dying, that ends the line of the Sith, sure, I guess-"
“Jedi prophecies are usually vague and cryptic. Is that really so surprising?”
Hadn’t they talked about how masters liked to talk that way? Honestly it had been a source of frustration when doing Qui-Gon’s research. He didn’t really understand them either.
“I really don’t know what it’s supposed to mean.”
Obi-Wan then let out a long sigh at the question of whether Anakin knew and he nodded.
“Qui-Gon mentioned it in his presence when the council refused to have him trained. He then… announced he would take Anakin as his apprentice.”
That part is said quietly. It wasn’t a good memory for Obi-Wan.
Ezra raises his eyebrows, and says slowly, sounding severely unimpressed, "I think I see now why Anakin kinda threw a fit when I told him that in Temba Master Kenobi was doing his best for three of us who were padawan level."
"....that's not remotely what I meant. I was more thinking that moment would have made an impression on Anakin. Both that the one padawan, one master rule was important, and that his natural talent made him important enough for Master Jinn to make that pronouncement, anyway. And look, I'm not sure not training him was really an option. That would have, what, potentially put him in a position that Sidious could have been his sole major influence, so much earlier, right? What I was thinking is - Master Kenobi took us on because we were all half trained and he was the one who was there to step up. Not because any of us were extra special. I can't speak for Grogu or Padawan Kestis-"
Ezra's tone firms to steel lined convinction, "But, in every time and place, he always did his best to look after me and he never steered me wrong."
Oh. Obi-Wan runs a hand through his short hair as he listens with a thoughtful frown.
“It seems to me that your group had extenuating circumstances. We have our rules, but the masters are not without reason and understanding. Sounds like Anakin wasn’t nearly so forgiving.”
He’s trying to direct the conversation away from himself now. Because he’s not Master Kenobi. He’s Padawan Kenobi. A version that lacks wisdom and experience. There was no certainty he wouldn’t steer someone wrong.
"No, he-" Ezra outright grimaces. "Honestly? He's the only person who ever tried to tell me I was being lied to, or lying to myself, in believing that I could be a Jedi. Can't help but think there's some major projection, going on there."
"I can't say for sure." He tilts his head thoughtfully.
"But Maul's the only person who told me - not that my temper could just be a problem, but that it was 'unbecoming of a Jedi' to be even momentarily angry at him. So I have to wonder if it was some nonsense Sidious fed both of them. That Jedi have impossible, rigid, hypocritical standards, so why even try to rise above the pull of the Darkside."
“Maul wouldn’t have the first clue what it’s like to be a Jedi. Anakin though…”
Obi-Wan sighs in despair, because Anakin should know better. Why… why was he like this? If he had been raised a Sith that would be one thing. Even with Palpatine’s influence, Anakin should have been surrounded by Jedi. It distressed him so that he ended up like this. The more he heard about it the worse it seemed to get.
Ezra offers a rueful smile. "I shared a house with him for over a year, on and off, and I still couldn't tell you what was going on in his head most of the time. But Leia is willing to trust us, I think. That's important."
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He lets out a breath, pained at the idea that any Padawan of his would feel unloved.
“I admit I had moments like that with Qui-Gon as well. I don’t think it’s uncommon for that sort of insecurity in any young Padawan.” His shoulders then droop a bit as it seems Anakin didn’t get past that.
“The council thought training him was a bad idea from the start and I agreed. If Qui-Gon hadn’t asked me I wouldn’t have have. Plus training a boy that old… and The Chosen One? I don’t know what my older self was thinking or going through, but that’s quite s burden. Still… I can’t imagine I wouldn’t try my best.”
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You were the Chosen One!
He'd forgotten that. How could he have forgotten that part of the awfulness of Mustafar? And this Obi-Wan, the padawan, has said something about that, when he'd demanded answers about the future.
"What - what does that mean?"
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“It’s a prophecy.”
A pause and then he realizes there needs to be more of an explanation.
“Qui-Gon was obsessed with prophecies. He had me spend hours researching for him on multiple occasions, but every Jedi knows about the Chosen One. It was foretold long ago that someone would come and bring balance to the Force. My master strongly believed that was Anakin.”
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He frowns sharply. "Anakin knows all this?"
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Hadn’t they talked about how masters liked to talk that way? Honestly it had been a source of frustration when doing Qui-Gon’s research. He didn’t really understand them either.
“I really don’t know what it’s supposed to mean.”
Obi-Wan then let out a long sigh at the question of whether Anakin knew and he nodded.
“Qui-Gon mentioned it in his presence when the council refused to have him trained. He then… announced he would take Anakin as his apprentice.”
That part is said quietly. It wasn’t a good memory for Obi-Wan.
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“Like I said. I’m not the one for this.”
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"....that's not remotely what I meant. I was more thinking that moment would have made an impression on Anakin. Both that the one padawan, one master rule was important, and that his natural talent made him important enough for Master Jinn to make that pronouncement, anyway. And look, I'm not sure not training him was really an option. That would have, what, potentially put him in a position that Sidious could have been his sole major influence, so much earlier, right? What I was thinking is - Master Kenobi took us on because we were all half trained and he was the one who was there to step up. Not because any of us were extra special. I can't speak for Grogu or Padawan Kestis-"
Ezra's tone firms to steel lined convinction, "But, in every time and place, he always did his best to look after me and he never steered me wrong."
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“It seems to me that your group had extenuating circumstances. We have our rules, but the masters are not without reason and understanding. Sounds like Anakin wasn’t nearly so forgiving.”
He’s trying to direct the conversation away from himself now. Because he’s not Master Kenobi. He’s Padawan Kenobi. A version that lacks wisdom and experience. There was no certainty he wouldn’t steer someone wrong.
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“Why… how could anyone say such a thing?”
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"But Maul's the only person who told me - not that my temper could just be a problem, but that it was 'unbecoming of a Jedi' to be even momentarily angry at him. So I have to wonder if it was some nonsense Sidious fed both of them. That Jedi have impossible, rigid, hypocritical standards, so why even try to rise above the pull of the Darkside."
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Obi-Wan sighs in despair, because Anakin should know better. Why… why was he like this? If he had been raised a Sith that would be one thing. Even with Palpatine’s influence, Anakin should have been surrounded by Jedi. It distressed him so that he ended up like this. The more he heard about it the worse it seemed to get.
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