ezra_of_lothal | Deer Country Inbox

[Absolutely not. Ezra may be delusional enough to think that, but no one else agrees with him.]

Is that what it is? So whenever I'm accused of something I haven't done, it's because you all want me to do better?

Of course I'm still wrong for not understanding this whole time. That's so helpful, I'll go over and make up with my murderer right now.

I don't know who's accusing you of things you haven't done or what, so I couldn't say.

I'm not trying to convince you to forgive Maul anything. You may recall, I started it with trying to figure how to get him to leave you alone.

I just...I don't believe Obi-Wan and the rest of your family here have given up on you, at all.

I didn't ask for help. He didn't even feel the need to do anything else until everyone put that in his head. So the next time you or anyone else wants to rush in, don't.

And it doesn't matter what they think. Only their actions.

[Good intentions don't erase the harm their deeds do. If it did, no one should have a problem with anything Anakin's done.]

Ok.

But...you also just told me a few minutes ago to ignore what you want, and that I should accuse you of something you didn't do.

The exact things that are hurting you? Yes?

If this is the sort of thing you're telling people who care about you of course you're going to get results that leave you unhappy.

Edited 2023-03-06 11:44 (UTC)

If you had heard I got into an argument with someone you'd assume it's my fault.

[This isn't a question.]

If I'm going to end up in that position anyway, then I'm going to do it in a way that I can live with myself.

No, Anakin, I really wouldn't assume that. Not without context.

That's what you'd tell yourself is the right thing to do, you might even try.

But your very first instinct would be to blame me.

[He knows this of even Obi-Wan so it's not an indictment when he says it.]

Even if that were true - and I don't believe it is - that's a momentary feeling. Feelings pass.

Isn't it actions that matter more? The choice to lay an impulse aside.

Not when you're not as successful at letting it pass as you think.

I'm saying I'd prefer nothing than a half hearted attempt.

[For once, real, deep anger flickers across Ezra's face. His voice drops low and cold.]

That's bullshit.

Do you hear yourself? You know how I feel better than I do? You know what I would do, before I do?

You have the arrogance to straight up make up who you think I am, and why I do the things I do. Like making up that I reach out to you, sticking it out for an entire year - that I did things like weeks of research and literally shed blood and risked pissing off Maul - for selfish reasons.

So that you can declare the version of me you imagine is not good enough. You basically laid out step by step how you're just fine writing people off without making any effort.

And finally, here's the real kicker - you. [Ezra laugh, sharply.] You have the gall to stand here and whine about how everyone has given up on you.

I have made it clear every step of the way that I wasn't interested in anything from you. No one is that determined to ignore everything I said unless you wanted something.

But, fine. You did do all that. You want my blood? You can have it. If you believe in that poodoo prophecy maybe it'll rub off on you. You want me to be your friend? Done. I'll never argue with you ever again. Whatever you want from me you can have it.

[He goes silent for 5 full seconds, staring in confusion, and taking a slow breath, trying to slow down his thoughts.]

...you asked for help. Publically, on the network. You were in pain. I said I'd find the answer for you, and I did. I would have done all of that for anyone forced into a bond who asked for help. Especially one with Maul. You gave me shit for my initial advice, but you did not actually say you didn't want me to work on the problem.

I don't want your blood. Or you not to argue with me. That's stupid; people who care about each other can argue. I don't even know what - prophecy? What prophecy? [He genuinely has no idea what Anakin's talking about.]

Am I guilty of wanting something, but you've already told me it's not an option on your side of things. I heard you, and I've tried to accept it, but I know I've done that badly. For which I am sorry. But I didn't make you that promise to get it.

Obi-wan is my family. We've explicitly agreed to that. Ahsoka is too, although we didn't use that exact word. Your children and grandchildren are family. How could counting all of them and cutting you out make any sense? To me it doesn't.

That's...that all. [His shoulders slump.]But I know that sort of thing can't be demanded. All -all my fear and stupid avoidance and fumbling has been...trying not to force it.

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