ezra_of_lothal | Deer Country Inbox

You tried. That was you, wasn't it? Who tried to pull me away.

Yes.

I was physically drained and emotionally out of balance. I couldn't focus like I should have.

[He could have deliberately used his fear and anger, to power the pull. That might have worked.]

No one could have expected you to be otherwise. I didn't. I came back. There's nothing for you to regret.

Coming back is good. [He so he tries to believe. On the one hand, he's still not convinced they know all the consequences of Sleeper death, here. On the other, if death doesn't result in some sort of change, that doesn't entirely sit well with his Jedi sensibilities.]

It still hurt, didn't it?

Not for very long.

How are you doing not-physically?

It's been strange. Someone told me once that he wondered what would happen to us when we realized death wasn't a barrier anymore. When we truly understand the potential of coming back.

I've wondered about that, too.

Killing someone definitely doesn't work as at ultimate deterrent. Slowing someone down enough to get them stop and think MAYBE, but it just as likely to make them furious enough to do more damage.

[Of everyone Paul might have expected to recognize that dilemma, Ezra would not have ranked high on the list. He may have to reevaluate. He respects it, though.]

Determining how to neutralize someone without killing them, and without allowing them to escape, all while buffering against the impact of Pthumerian manipulation...it's a challenge, isn't it? Especially considering the abilities of some of those we'd most want to restrain. Are you thinking of anyone in particular? I like to stay aware of threats.

That's the challenge. I think the only real answer is cooperation. Either getting it from the person causing problems, somehow, or enough people to work out how to keep an active threat restrained.

I'm pretty sure I'm too aware of how dangerous other Force users from my galaxy can be, and not aware enough about the ways some of the others here can be at least as dangerous.

Maul's a formidable warrior, and I was dumb enough to get tangled in his manipulations when I was younger. A future version of him, at least. That said, Master Kenobi can and has stopped him in his tracks before, and historically his longer term schemes haven't come to much. He's too easily distracted by the emotions of the moment, and personal grudges.

We'll see if his recent claims to turning over a new leaf come to much.

[That's as objective a run down as he can give, given his own history and current fury at Maul.

He probably should say something about Anakin Skywalker. He'd be harder to physically stop, no question. Anakin, does not, in his opinion, need more people seeing him as evil. So he's keeping all his thoughts on that front to himself for right now.]

[Maul is a name Paul is familiar with, but his reputation followed only after they first met. It's more than enough context to explain why Ezra is thinking of this after all. But manipulations - that's something else, and new.]

Reform or containment. That's where I've ended up as well. I understand what you mean about focusing on threats you understand, too. It seems like we're thinking along parallels. May I ask you something about Maul? It's all right if the answer is no.

Sure. I don't really mind questions. I'll just tell if I don't know or don't think I should answer the specifics.

When you say you were tangled in his manipulations, what was that like? How did it happen?

[There's a little time, before he types out an answer, while Ezra tries to figure out where to start.]

I don't know how much more you've learned about my home galaxy from other people. I grew up under an Empire ruled by Maul's former master. Palpatine to the public, but also known more in secret as Darth Sidious. Maul's teacher, in the ways of the Sith, but also I'm pretty sure Sith are supposed to obey absolutely, in ways Jedi aren't expected to necessarily obey their masters.

For Jedi, it means master like sensei. Sure, do your chores, and your lessons, and listen when you're on a mission, too. But I can't imagine any of my teachers trying to make me SCARED of them.

When I was 16, I was impatient, and wanted a way to defeat the Emperor and the other Force users who serve him. Kanan, my master, and another one of my teachers Ahsoka, and I went to the ruins of a Sith temple, to find out more about them. Knowledge is power and all that. Maul was there. I didn't know who he was.

He decided he wanted me to be his apprentice. He promised easy power.

[It would be easy to have judged this, once. Paul might have sat here and imagined himself above this, but he knows better, now. He's seen more, done more. All that he feels is a certain sympathy, and a desire to better understand.]

It must have been difficult to think of a reason not to accept that power. So Maul sought revenge on his teacher, with you as the proxy, and without your knowledge? And he sought to control you with fear? How did you get away from him, in the end?

He did try to use me against Palpatine first - there was an ancient weapon at the temple, and it needed two Force users to activate it. But once I worked out what it was, Kanan and I stopped it.

I did take an artifact from the Sith temple and learned from it. Kanan had been blinded and we thought we lost Ahsoka. I didn't handle those losses well, and I did some things that I regret. Kanan and the rest of our family stood by me, and I've tried not to repeat those mistakes.

Maul kept turning back up. He held some of my family hostage to coerce me into do a ritual to invoke a vision that answers a question. Somewhat shortened version: Master Kenobi was in that vision, and they have a history, too.

So Maul was distracted from going after his master to going after Obi-wan. And again, used me to find him. To be clear, a version about 18 years older than the one here.

I know Master Kenobi didn't want to kill him, but what he'd been doing was too important to let himself be killed or captured.

So he sent me away with a way to get back home safely. But I was still close enough to feel Maul die.

You've had a difficult life, before coming here. The Jedi teach their students great resilience.

[The extent of Ezra's continued compassion is admirable, even if it isn't Paul's path. That strong of a devotion to anything is worth respect.]

So he exploited your vulnerabilities. I don't mean that as an insult. Everyone has vulnerabilities. Leverage points. So he had to be killed to stop him, and now he's here, so far unkillable. I'm sorry. That must be difficult for any of you to bear, knowing what you know.

Our connections to other people are a source of strength but also can potentially be used against us, yes. My teachers emphasize letting go of fear, as much as one can, so it can't control us.

Right now, my policy with Maul is to keep my distance. He's clearly made connections with a number of people here, and some of them seem invested in him learning from his mistakes and changing how he treats people in general. I sincerely hope he finds a better path.

I don't need to go poking my own trauma, and we're both better off if he doesn't know about it, I think.

Then I also thank you for bearing with me bringing it up. I'm good at keeping other people's secrets. He won't hear anything about this from me. You have my word. I shouldn't keep you. It was good to talk. We should do it again, some time when things are less difficult.

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