ezra_of_lothal: (Ezra and lothwolf by recadreuse)
Ezra Bridger ([personal profile] ezra_of_lothal) wrote2022-01-03 07:48 am
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Deer Country Inbox

"I'm Ezra Bridger and this is my communicator thing. Leave a message!"
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 25] Serious side)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-12 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
[Maul actually listens but Ezra's words do little to sway his opinion.]

You're not really providing me a whole lot of incentive in wanting to attempt something this difficult.

[For once, Maul is honestly not trying to be difficult, and it shows in the mild tone of his voice, even if his face keeps a stubborn cast to it.

Maul just knows himself well enough to understand he rarely does anything without the promise of reward no matter how small that is. As a child, it had been avoiding punishments that his master so often unfairly doled out. As an adult, it has most often been the satisfaction of taking revenge on someone. Here, he sees no incentive to attempt something this hard and difficult when there's nothing to be gained by his apology, not even self-satisfaction.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 71] Grumble)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-13 07:26 am (UTC)(link)
I seek balance.

[Maul says simply. The Jedi and the Sith may differ in many respects but they both believe in that at their core tenants.]

But I am not so noble yet as most Jedi are-- [Just a hint of sarcasm there, though it's hard to tell.] --as to be alright with sitting there and being yelled at by a whiny, petulant man with the emotional range of a teaspoon and the maturity of a child for trying to apologize.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 13] Disapproval)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-14 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
......I'll consider it.

[Maul's being pushed out of his comfort zone a lot right now and can't make more of a commitment to a course of action than that. The terse words are the most he'll acquiesce to at the moment.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 81] Long ago and far away)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-14 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
[It takes him a moment to place what Ezra is referring to. Once he realizes what he said, Maul is quick to answer.]

It is simple. Those on the Dark Side tend to act while those on the Light Side react instead.
survivalthroughhate: ([Other 20] Smug)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-15 01:14 am (UTC)(link)
[Maul snorts as if what Ezra is saying sounds absolutely ridiculous to his ears.]

Perhaps that is the case in the time when you are a Jedi. But not so with the order I am familiar with.

Those Jedi have become so secular and drawn inwards that they do not react to the things around them that they should be paying attention to. They are more concerned with things like their old rituals to realize that following such a line of thinking for a thousands years without change has caused them to completely stagnate.

If they had paid attention to the galaxy around them asa whole, my master would not have been able to play them all like puppets on a string and then organize a massacre none of them saw until it was too late.
survivalthroughhate: ([Comics 25] Determined)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-15 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
My brother is not wrong. They only reacted to the decay and corruption in the galaxy when it was too late to make any effective changes. They reached for control but had no idea how to create the changes they wanted to, entrenched as they were in a way of life that was no longer feasible.

Instead, they sacrificed millions of lives, justifying the means to reach an end which never came. The only person who won in the end was my master. I wonder if the few Jedi who survived ever thought back and realized what they did in wartime was never worth the cost.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 60] Fuck you)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-19 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
Their best was not good enough. Not by half. [There's something.....odd in the way Maul says that, almost like he's taken the failings of the Jedi personally. There's echoes of his past there, very old ones that go all the way back to being a small child under Sidious' care.] And all it proves is my point. My master had a plan and put it into effect long ago. He won in the end and it just proves my point. He acted aggressively and got what he wanted. Had the Jedi done the same, perhaps they would not have been wiped out.

[Maul's eyes and voice both go cold with anger.]

What I have learned, both in the galaxy at large and here in this town, is that most people talk about empathy and compassion when it is convenient for them but will discard those lovely sentiments the moment it is too hard to hold onto those precious morals.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 22] Disappointed)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-20 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
Then there is very little motivation for me to learn these things. Empathy, compassion, kindness: in my experience all these produce is pain and suffering.

[As usual, Maul's stunted mind correlates goodness with a clear reward, the way that Sidious conditioned him so long to expect. As he goes on, it becomes clear he's not really talking to Ezra so much as he's rambling to himself. It provides a line that traces from where Maul ended the a Clone Wars at as a man in his thirties and how he'd ended up an embittered and worn-out old man by the time Ezra had met him.]

You let people in and they betray you. Or leave you. Almost no one likes seeing the worst side of someone, and when they come face to face with it, their first instinct is always to back away from it. The rare few that are willing to stay are eventually taken away from you whether you like it or not. There's no point in being vulnerable when you end up only being hurt.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 66] I will kill you)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-25 09:01 am (UTC)(link)
I had a family. They were all taken away from me!

[The fact he's forged a new one here with friends who care about him, that his brother against all odds was restored to him, doesn't diminish the pain Maul felt losing everyone he cared about in his own galaxy.]

And that is where we differ. I have spent a lifetime suffering pain. The small bits of happiness I have found here and there have never once been enough to outweigh it all, not by half. It's not worth it, to go all your life searching for something that never lasts.

[He can be awfully stubborn and set in his way of thinking. But like with most things that motivate the Sith, it's fear that primarily is the undercurrent in Maul's mind at all time. He learned the brutal, hard lesson a long time ago that any happiness he had could and would be taken away by his master. If he was always waiting for it, at least he was never surprised when it came, even if it still hurt just as much.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 24] Shadows)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-26 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
[Maul shakes his head, looking away from the camera and off towards the side.]

For you, it seems worth it. For me, to experience years of pain and suffering that only allow me to be happy in small amounts is not worth it. To be vulnerable for me usually means someone exploiting that vulnerability and using it against me.

I have had everything taken away from me before for no other reason than someone wished to cause me pain. I have had to fight tooth and nail to gain parts of it back here. Even that is still not enough to quell the anger and pain inside.
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 15] Hooded far)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-27 07:48 am (UTC)(link)
I suppose not.

[He pauses.]

Do you still wish me to avoid your presence?

[An odd thing to rope back around to but Maul's not good with boundaries as they both know. He needs clear ones given, for if not he'll take a mile when someone gives him an inch.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 62] Yellow eyes)

No problemo!

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-05-20 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
[Maul thinks that over for a moment and then nods. That's about all he can ask for at the moment. He's pushed Ezra pretty hard in this conversation the same way Ezra has also pushed him.]

Very well. My door is still open to you whenever you like.