ezra_of_lothal: (Ezra and lothwolf by recadreuse)
Ezra Bridger ([personal profile] ezra_of_lothal) wrote2022-01-03 07:48 am
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Deer Country Inbox

"I'm Ezra Bridger and this is my communicator thing. Leave a message!"
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 30] Glowing eyes)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-05 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
[He figures Ezra would answer with a tone like that but he knows he'll be able to keep the Jedi on the line with what else he has to say.]

Because in December I had the chance to see memories from my future. Not just my death at the hands of Obi-Wan, which I already knew, but others. Including meeting a certain young Jedi apprentice on Malachor when I am an old man.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 35] Fuming)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-05 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
[Maul visibly struggles with his temper for a moment and it's clear it is taking everything in him not to tell Ezra to can the attitude.]

Am I asking you for anything right now? No. It was a very large swath of memories dumped into my mind at once. I've been sorting them out for months now. What I want to know is why you didn't bother to say anything either.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 57] Resigned)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-05 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
[That....actually makes a very large amount of sense to Maul, so he can't really protest that first part very much.]

You assume much about someone who is twenty years behind you in the timeline.

[That span of time certainly did a lot to change Maul's personality, though clearly quite a bit has been static for an even longer amount of time now, ever since Maul was a young child. Maul decides not to mention the fact he's been manipulating one or two teenagers here for the exact same reasons as he did Ezra pretty much since the moment he'd arrived in Deerington. After all, Usagi has mostly made him stop all that, and he has become much more altruistic as a teacher to those who wish to learn.]

I've known my final end at the hands of Obi-Wan for a long time now. That is nothing new.

[He sounds resigned. For a long time, all Maul has wanted is to either kill his old foe or to die by his hands. Only since he came to Trench has he been able to even start to put that desire past him.]
survivalthroughhate: ([Comics 6] Confident)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-08 01:53 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, you have been making assumptions about me since you first crawled out of the sea, that much is clear. Don't lie, it's not becoming of a Jedi.

[Maul shakes his head and his tone is stubborn.]

Some things are inevitable and my death at Obi-Wan's hands is one of them if I ever go back. It has been emphasized to me more than ever since we ended up in Deerington together. Our fates have been and always will be bound together. Like two moms circling the same planet. Never far from one another and within the same orbit.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 29] Red)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-08 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
I know because that's exactly what happened to me. When Deerington collapsed into dust, I had no intention of going back to my galaxy, not with my brother now alive again. In the journey that brought me to Trench, I went back and experienced several more months until the final day of the Clone Wars. I remembered nothing of my time until I washed up on the beach with everyone else.

[No wonder Maul is being a bit of a fatalist right now.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 30] Glowing eyes)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-08 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
In Deerington, it happened several times. Here, I am not so certain. I know of at least one man who returned to the ocean and a new version of him showed up almost immediately with no memory of ever being here before. But no one seems to know what happens when we go back into the ocean.
survivalthroughhate: ([Comics 14] Defiance)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-08 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
I'll believe that when I see actual proof. I've seen too much in my own life not to think some fates are inevitable.
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 71] Grumble)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-09 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
The minute I hear about anyone else going back to their home universe and experiencing a different future than what they might have seen here, I'll believe.

[He's sure he's not the only one to have seen their future here in the city.]

It doesn't. What happens at the end doesn't effect the here and now.
survivalthroughhate: (Default)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-09 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
Well enough. Now I just wonder where this leaves the two of us. You think I haven't changed, that I am just the way I am when you knew me.

[Maul knows what he does to Ezra in his future, enough at least to be aware he used the boy the same way he tended to use everyone else. But that's not only who he is anymore, not after two years of unlearning so much of what had turned him into the weapon he's spent so long as.]
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 21] Death glare)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-09 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Don't expect me to feel regret for that. I've done far worse than that to get what I wanted and never lost a night's sleep over it. Last time the Sleepers were horrified by something I did, several decided to make me a scapegoat while they hid their own insidious motivations and cursing me after I'd already accepted suitable punishment was the way to get through to me. Such methods of condemnation and attempting to foster guilt in me do not work.

[All they do is make Maul dig in his heels and refuse to ever consider change. He can be frightfully stubborn and hard-headed when he so chooses to be.]

Then the month after we came here, I was simply minding my own business and they decided I must have been the one to kill the first Sleeper when Skywalker did so. He deliberately let the blame be pinned on me. When I forced him to confess, all I heard was that I had done it in the "wrong way." They call me a monster when I act as I always have and tell me I still need to change further when I attempt to do better. There was precious little motivation for me to continue up until recently.
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 46] Stabbed close-up)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-09 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[Maul isn't about to agree, ready to point out that he feels the Light from Anakin through their connection but he hasn't been screeching about it burning his very being or anything like that.

But then Ezra compares him to Sidious and it's like a bucket of cold water gets dumped on him. There's a stricken look on his face as surely as if he's been run through with a lightsaber, a look only a few here in Trench have ever seen. He can barely speak and when he does it sounds like he's in pain.]


What.....what did you say?
survivalthroughhate: ([TPM 48] Defeated)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-09 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[Maul doesn't answer but he already knew the answer was yes. This echoes what Usagi had told him regarding how he was treating Peter, asking how he would have felt if Sidious had hollowed him out and left him just a shell, though she had been much more brutal with what she'd said to him. It's like looking into a mirror right now and seeing his master's shadowy figure there instead of his own face.

Finally, this has been put into terms Maul can understand. While true remorse is still beyond him for the act, given his hatred of Anakin in general, he does feel a small bit of regret now for what he's done. He pauses for so long it seems like he's completely forgotten Ezra is on the other end of the line. In truth, he's aware of the young Jedi, he's just also deep in thought.

He comes to a conclusion, nodding to himself firmly. When he speaks, his voice is barely audible.]


What must I do to make amends?
survivalthroughhate: ([TCW 5] Hmmmm)

[personal profile] survivalthroughhate 2022-04-11 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[Maul listens, nodding at the steps that Ezra outlines. The first one he can at least get behind. But the rest makes him scowl. He folds his arms and a stubborn cast comes over his face.]

Skywalker won't want an apology. He'll want revenge. And before you say it, yes, revenge isn't the Jedi way but he's never been a very good Jedi to begin with. All he's wanted ever since we first met and I had to kill him was my head on a pike. I'm not going to apologize to someone who will just throw it back in my face and tell me I'm a monster who deserves to die.

[Obi-Wan, on the other hand....maybe Maul should say something to him and not just because of his lingering affections for the man. He'd betrayed his trust right after his longtime foe had shown him a great measure of it to him. He'll turn that over carefully in his mind.

At the last part, he goes silent again. Maul's not very eloquent, often saying the exact wrong thing, and so at moments like this he starts thinking hard over what he wants to say.]


I think....I think my mistake was being seduced by the idea of power again. The Light Side promotes peace and passive action. The Dark always whispers of action, to gain more power and serve its will. The problem is that I was taught for so long to serve my own will that I often have no idea on what the right course of action is. I have nothing in the way of a moral compass and only a rudimentary understanding of things like empathy and compassion.

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